San Diego Struggles

An Inspirational Clip for You

One man whose perspective has shaped how his son sees the world is Patrick Hugues. This dad's dedication has created a sense of optimism in his son—who was born without eyes and the ability to walk—that people without disabilities would find difficult to emulate.

I had the pleasure of watching Patrick Jr. perform and there wasn't a dry eye in the room as he sang and played the piano. The positive outlook that this young man exhibits despite his disabilities is a testament to his father and parents everywhere who demonstrate what it truly means to live in the fundamental state of leadership.

Patrick Hughes Video Clip

An Organizing Tip Or Two

Click on the link below to view the latest organizing tip:

Changing Seasons

More About Robert Quinn's Book

Click on the following link to gain a better understanding of what it means to operate in the normal life state versus the fundamental state of leadership:

Normal vs Fundamental State

A Verse To Heed

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives"

(James 4:3a)

A Book To Read

This book is packed with  wisdom for living a life that is purpose-centered, other-focused, externally open to feedback and change, and internally directed at closing the gaps between our values and behavior.  If you take away even one new concept and apply it to your life, it will have been worth the read.

Click on the image above to view a description of this book.

"If you don’t put one on, we’re going to stay in this gift shop all day," I warned.

"Fine!" Hollie consented under duress.

I quickly slid the poncho over my daughter’s head before she could change her mind. The second it came to rest on her shoulders, Hollie announced that the neck was too tight and attempted to squirm out from under it.

"I can fix it," I assured her as I hurried to the register to borrow a scissors from the cashier.

Although Hollie agreed to keep the poncho on after I cut a bigger opening in the neck, our morning went from wet to worse when my baby-in-blue realized that nearly all of the attractions at Sea World were shows instead of rides.

"I don’t want to see dolphins," Hollie complained. "We can see dolphins at the aquarium back in Chicago."

"You can’t see Shamu the whale," I coaxed.

"I am so done with this theme park," Hollie announced. "This is the worst birthday ever!"

With those words, my patience washed away like the rain on my poncho and I leaned down to let the birthday-girl know that I was no longer going to put up with her attitude. Before I could utter a word, however, I noticed that tears were running down Hollie's cheeks. One look into her sad eyes and I was speechless as the Spirit erased all thoughts but one.

Hollie doesn't like her behavior any more than I do, I said to myself as I wrapped my arms around her.

For years I had been praying that God would change Hollie to make my life easier, without considering what the inner turmoil was doing to hers. Knowing that my daughter was more miserable than I was made me realize that the troublemaker was not her, but me.

How will our children know that God accepts them for who they are if we don’t?

As I asked myself this question, I was reminded of a similar one from the movie What A Girl Wants. In the film, the main character, Daphne Reynolds, tried so hard to become the person her father wanted her to be, that she forgot how to be herself. Concerned for her well-being, Daphne's friend Ian Wallace challenged her with this question: "Why are you trying to fit in, when you were born to stand out?"

Perhaps that’s a question for all of us to explore whenever we are tempted to forget that, more important than being in control, is allowing people to be themselves.

When I think of the pressure Hollie must have felt to act the way I wanted her to on our vacation, I am reminded that we cannot change people, just choose to be with them. I learned this lesson years ago, but never applied it to my children . . . until now.

"Please God," I prayed, "help Hollie to have a good time."

With those words, I left the normal state and entered a new one where, like the client Robert Quinn described on page 9 of his book, I stopped seeing resisters as "the enemy" and "started to meet people where they were."

Robert Quinn calls this new condition the fundamental state of leadership. "When we make deep change and enter the fundamental state of leadership," the author explained, "we see a different world. We also behave differently. The world then reacts differently."(4)

Hollie reacted differently by watching the dolphin and whale shows without voicing a single concern. We also had fun riding the Journey To Atlantis (where even Hollie was quick to admit that the ponchos came in handy). As much as I enjoyed that final afternoon in San Diego, the best was yet to come when we returned home from our trip and Hollie called me into her room to announce: "I’d like to try on the clothes in my closet."

"Are you sure?" I asked, remembering that it hadn’t gone well the last time we went through them.

Hollie nodded and spent the next hour trying on one outfit after another. To my surprise and delight, almost all of them fit to her satisfaction.

"God took away my problem with clothes," Hollie said with a smile.

For five years, I’d been asking God to fix my daughter without realizing that the person who needed to change the most, was me. I had to give up control before Hollie had the freedom she needed to gain it.

Seeing firsthand how one person's attitude can affect another person's aptitude gave me a new understanding of what Jesus was teaching in Matthew 7:5 when he said: "first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." 

It also made me realize that the plank I removed was, not just bigger, but also a contributor to the speck in my daughter's eye. Only after I stepped out of the way and developed the patience that my friend saw I was lacking, did God step in to answer my prayers.

One year has passed since God healed Hollie of her clothing issues. She now gets dressed without the drama and even wears outfits that my oldest daughter, Katie, refused to try on when they were in her closet. Hollie's transformation is a daily confirmation that, when we let go of our existing self and allow a new one to emerge, we become, as Gandhi puts it, "the change we want to see in the world."(5)

Although we are all on different journeys, every one includes a path that leads to the fundamental state of leadership as we accept people where they are, pray for them for the right reasons, and believe that God will show up in a powerful way to demonstrate that "the better world we seek is within us, if only we change our vision"(6)