Giving for the wrong reason and expecting the right result sounds silly, yet this is what happens when we meet our kids' short-term demands in the hope that it will lead to their long-term satisfaction.

How can a world that revolves around its children ever be centered on God? It’s a question that’s been asked since biblical times when fathers like King David showed us just how destructive a permissive parenting style can be. When David's son Amnon raped his sister Tamar in 2 Samuel 13, David stood back and did nothing. Two years later, when David's son Absalom grew tired of waiting for justice and had his brother killed for bringing disgrace to his sister, again David did nothing.[ii]

The problem with doing nothing to curtail a child's actions is that is does something to his attitude.  We saw this with Absalom who, after getting away with killing his brother, plotted to take over his father's throne.[iii]

Dr. Clinton and Dr. Sibcy agreed in their book Loving Your Child Too Much when, on page 13, they had this to say about dysfunctional parent-child relationships: “Overindulged children become addicted to the cult of the next thing: as they are given each new toy or liberty, the newness wears off more and more quickly, creating a cycle of dissatisfaction and greed. Soon these parents become frustrated, angry, and resentful that their kids have become so spoiled. But they still can’t say no. It’s the only way they know how to give and receive love.”

The couple at the video store knew first hand what Clinton and Sibcy were talking about. I know this because, after I tried to lighten the conversation, the air seemed heavy with resentment.

“I bet your grandchildren will be excited when they open your gift," I said. "Are they coming to your house for Christmas?”

“No,” the man scoffed. “We’re mailing their gifts to them.”

“Because they live far away?” I pressed.

“They all live in the area,” he assured me. “We just don’t want them at our house for Christmas.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to be with your family on Christmas?” I asked.

“My wife makes all the food and they don’t offer to help with anything. Then they leave an hour after they open presents and we’re left with the mess.”

I looked to the woman to see if she shared his views and was surprised to find her nodding in agreement.

The way these parents felt about their kids left me at a loss for words. If it had been a year later, I could have called upon the book The Purpose Of Christmas where author Rick Warren wrote this on page six: “For many people, getting ready for Christmas seems more of a hassle than a source of happiness. . . .They feel pressure, not pleasure, when it comes to Christmas. It’s a duty, not a delight.”

“When you delay dealing with a conflict,” Warren added on page 109, “it only grows larger or deeper. … Always giving in and allowing other people to get their way is passivity, not peacemaking.”

Without Rick's words to rely on, I prayed for a few of my own.

“You know," I said to the man as his eyes met mine, "there are no victims, only volunteers.”

That was the end of our conversation. We waited in silence until the FedEx truck arrived a few minutes later. By then, the number of people in line had grown to nearly a dozen. All were disappointed when the driver walked into the store to deliver one small package . . .  and no Wiis.

I felt silly for giving up so much of my afternoon for something that my daughters didn’t need. After telling Katie and Hollie that circumstances didn't allow us to give them a Wii, I was guilty of trying to force God's will to align with my own.

How can we teach our children to wait on God if we don’t? I didn’t have an answer as I walked out of the video store. What I did have was a resolve to never make a purchase, if it would take away my peace.

“I don’t think you’ll be getting a Wii this Christmas,” I warned the girls when they got home from school. “The company didn’t make enough to meet demand.”

“Santa can bring it,” Hollie assured me.

“They didn’t make enough to fill Santa’s order either,” I explained. “If God wants us to have a Wii, circumstances will allow us to buy one after Christmas.”

Surprisingly, Katie and Hollie were okay with waiting and that was the end of the story… until I took my daughters to a store four days after Christmas and noticed a Wii game console setting on a shelf near the checkout stand.

“Is that for sale?” I asked after tracking down an employee.

“It is,” he replied. “We got twenty in this morning and have just five left.”

"Looks like God wants us to have a Wii," I told the girls.

James 1:17 assures us that every good and perfect gift is from above. With that post-holiday present our family gained, not just a new game console, but the lesson that came with it: more important than what kids want is giving them what they need as we stop trying to be God and let our children learn to trust God to do what's best on His timetable, instead of our own.

Quotes to Grow On